Cinematic Insanity.

Expect inconsistency and lunacy, but more importantly stuff about films, either mine or of them people what get paid to do it (bastards).

The Tree of Life Formation Scene. 

Unparalleled beauty. A heartbreaking film. This is what cinema should be. Dinosaurs. Existentialism. Brad Pitt. Opera. Space. 

Completely pretentious. Completely arty. Completely brilliant. And, to quoth the great legend of cinema Russell Brand; “Its Kubrickian!”.


Above: The partial set from Citizen Kane consists of a foreground doorway and the butler (Paul Stewart), while Kane (Orson Welles) stands on a distant soundstage floor. 

Below: The final, deep-focus image was completed with a matte painting by Chesley Bonestell. The live-action elements of the doorway in the foreground and Kane in the background were optically composited with a painted hallway, columns, and floor. The distant reflection of Kane on the floor was painted as well. 


Ennio Morricone

—Theme From 'A Fistful Of Dollars' (A Fistful Of Dollars: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


Ennio Morricone - Theme From ‘A Fistful Of Dollars’ (A Fistful Of Dollars: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

I want this to play when I tackle the self-service tills in Morrison’s. I’m just that uncool.

The Dark Knight Rises Prologue. Why don’t I like it? Am I a genetic mutation? 

Despite the mumbles or the strange pull-string toy like accent, I love Bane. Tom Hardy is just a wonderful bucket of charming fabulous and lines like “Crashing this Plane” even sound sexy in that more comical than terrifying voice. While I understand it probably sounds a bit silly to some or doesn’t sound like anything other than an aggressive tube train announcer to others, Bane is just going to be good. Have a sit down. Think about it. Like Heath Ledger made “The Dark Knight” what it was, Tom Hardy will make “The Dark Knight Rises” whatever it will be, or atleast will own the screen enough for his presence to draw attention away from the other failures of the film. 

This is where I sound anti-Nolan. I’m not. Chris Nolan is one of the few masters of modern cinema. He is a floppy haired, dapper icon. *wipes away nerd drool* And despite the few drawbacks of his films (dont get me started on Insomnia; and even TDK almost outstayed its welcome), I’m really getting worried for TDKR. Perhaps it’s a phase I’m going through, after all the excitement, I even started to doubt Peter Jackson after the Hobbit trailer premiered the other month. But where the Hobbit trailer soon drew me right back into Jackson/Tolkein/McKellen fangirling, the bootlegs of the TDKR prologue have left me uncertain.

Aidan Gillen (known only to me for his, when I was aged 8 and thought hair gel was cool, chilling turn in the modern classic ‘Shanghai Knights’) shouts his way through a fake accent more horrifying than being forced to sit down and work out where Bane is from (perhaps in the film, like the Joker, he’ll offer numerous back stories of his accent that we have to choose from correctly or he’ll mouth cut us to look like what that one from ‘Sons of Anarchy’ has). The numerous establishing shots of the plane yes show the audience where this shit is going down, but intercut in the middle of dialogue make the lines even more disconnected and unflowing than what they already are (you might consider my lack of sense in these paragraphs ironic due to the subject matter but its early morning and Im doing this because I cant sleep). The action also lacks the cool villainyness Ledger had in the “pencil to the face” scene in TDK and like the words/mumbles/FBI agents screaming over a suspiciously noisy plane (perhaps Nolan wants everyone in TDKR to talk like Bale Batman) just doesn’t flow like it should. I’m noone to criticize the chap. But the prologue really makes me uncertain what we’ll see when TDKR finally hits that cinema place. 

I’m sure I’m just being a miserably bored teenager however and overanalyzing what will eventually have me squealing like a small child being given something that would make a small child squeal in a excited, small-child like manner. The trailer, I suppose, did have me to repeating the line “When Gotham is ashes, you have my permission to die” for about a month afterwards (that bus driver was not impressed). So really I’ve talked myself out of posting this blog. I’ve counter argued myself without much counter argument into anticipating TDKR and not worrying about the prologue/acronym situation. If anything, I actually liked it more than most of you because Bane just looks bloody cool and you think he sounds like that time Grandad face planted into a fish bowl. To avoid not posting this then and risk wasting more of my time than yours, Ill add a link to the prologue and ask you what you think (whoever you may be).

The fire rises. 


1) I’m not sure what just happened

2) Apologies to David Schwimmer; hair gel is definitely still cool

3) Dear Chris Nolan, I’m well sorry, can I still have a job in the film industry and be your friend?

4) I think I was trying to say I don’t like the way the prologue is edited but other than that the film will be proper great.

5) When the hell did I start doing Tumblr?

6) Caine, Bale and Oldman will probably doing a smashing job crying about when one of the other two dies so it’s probably unfair to say Hardy will steal the show. 

7) Shanghai Knights is most definitely still a good film and I won’t take any argument from any of you about it (please don’t hurt me, I don’t like it that much).

8) I didn’t really say that to a bus driver.

9) Grandad drowned you should be ashamed at the speed of your response.


Like all first post cliches on all social networking sites, I have begun immediately by making myself look a right penis by using a pun about the social networking site currently being social networked in the title of my first blog. I’ve then begun attempting to subvert such cliches by commenting on the fact that this is a cliche to do so, yet since I have pointed out me pointing out the cliche (and have now pointed out pointing that out as well) I think Ive somehow cancelled such art nouveau blogging out and must now descend to the level of “person what thinks he is better than the average social networker but ultimately isn’t and must now settle on introducing himself in as little an embarrassing way as possible”. So far, so badly.

Please also note the rather polite use of the word “penis” and not “cunt” as I would usually say (I am aware the two are not interchangeable as the same thing; Id hope that Freud didn’t have Tumblr but so far I’m not convinced I do) since I’m uncertain as to who my first follower is and whether or not they will be offended by swears or not - it is following on this one isn’t it? 

Since Ive already made a complete cunt of myself however I must start as I mean to go on. Nothing here will be of much seriousness or interest to anyone, I intend it to contain all the filmy things Im either too considerate to inflict on my Facebook friends or too limited by a lack of characters on Twitter. It is a stream of consciousness, then. A cinematic rant. An anti-Lucas/anti-Burton bitchathon. A Herzog propaganda blog. A Peter Jackson love sesh. A Ken Barlow appreciation so….(oh sorry, wrong meeting). A Bill Hicks reference room. A shed. An anti-M Night Shylamanasalonalonamamalon “he didn’t see us, did he?” club. A Tree of Life formation scene. A Cuaron-esque long take. Occasionally interrupted by lens flare, I intend to inflict my film views to all those who enter here and in doing so, continue to make a complete tit of myself via unnecessarily complex sentences that seem to go right back to where they started. 

I apologise. I welcome. I warn.